we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
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I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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