Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
