Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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