I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
