i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
