Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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