Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
