If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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