she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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