Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
