it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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