I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You ruined the universe
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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