Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
