he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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