one might say we're banned from that church
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
