just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
