Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
