Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
