Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Fuck appropriateness.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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