just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
