the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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