Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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