Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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