I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
