Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
