where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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