I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
