What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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