I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
