The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
