god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
