I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
