I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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