Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
