Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
