dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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