guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
