Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
