The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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