you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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