I got chris browned last night
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
