she looked like the before picture.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
