Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
