So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
