farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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