the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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