He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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