Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
