I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
