you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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