I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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