it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize