Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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