just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
