Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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