Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
