I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
