My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
