I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
