If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
