someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
