his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
