i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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