Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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