Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Everclear isn't food dammit
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
