my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
