..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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