Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
