He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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