Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
