So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
